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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25864828">Versions of Hate</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/muscatmusic18/pseuds/muscatmusic18'>muscatmusic18</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Light Angst, Lilith is tired and reminiscing, Past Relationship(s), Zelda is tired and reminiscing, let's reminisce together, post part three</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 07:42:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,410</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25864828</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/muscatmusic18/pseuds/muscatmusic18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>With tensions high in the mortuary, Zelda flees to the Greendale bridge to sort out her thoughts. Lilith, having the same idea, finds her there, and together they have a heart-to-heart.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Marie LaFleur/Zelda Spellman (mentioned), Zelda Spellman/Mary Wardwell | Madam Satan | Lilith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>69</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Versions of Hate</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Based on the song "Versions of Hate" by Saint Sister. I highly recommend the song in general, but it captures the feeling of this fic so well that I recommend it for that reason as well :)</p><p>As always and just as sincerely, a big thanks to my friend TomorrowNeverCame (@its-a-goode-day on tumblr) for betaing and encouragement</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>We sit side by side, pretending we don’t know it<br/>
Two pity poets with blood on our hands</em>
</p><p>Zelda stood at the bridge on the outskirts Greendale, arms resting against the railing as she stared out across the water. She wasn’t one to seek out the scenic views, much less just to sit and gaze at them, but desperate times called for desperate measures. The bridge was quiet, at least; a place where she could allow her thoughts to run rampant without interruption.</p><p>The day had been <em>long</em>. There was really no other word to describe it; try as she might, nothing else seemed to fit quite as well. And it wasn’t just this day – the previous day had been long, as well as the one before it, and the one before that. Really, it had been a long week. Or maybe a long month. She couldn’t remember just when the days had begun to drag on, but regardless, Zelda was tired, and so close to bursting with every emotion she could imagine that now she just felt numb.</p><p>Sabrina’s splitting of the time continuum had quickly backfired. As many people in her life could have told her, Zelda thought grimly, but pushed it aside – no point in dwelling. They’d managed to restore order, but having only one Sabrina led to her having to choose where she wanted to be, ruling Hell or on Earth with her coven (hadn’t they been here before?), and that choice led to an upheaval in Hell. A tug of war had ensued between herself and Lucifer – she’d be damned if she’d lose Sabrina to a man, regardless if he was a divine being or not. Lilith and Caliban had their own attempts at securing the throne, not that she really cared, but each one had angered Lucifer further, which hadn’t played well into her hand. She’d won, in the end, and Lilith had retaken the throne, left to try and rebuild the shambles that were her kingdom. But what had it all cost? Zelda wasn’t sure she even knew yet.</p><p>And on top of it all, there had been the Eldritch Terrors brought by her bastard of an ex-husband, witch hunters in league with angels who’d used that poor Wardwell woman’s body as their plaything, and a coven to rebuild from the ground up under a new religion.</p><p>It had been a long month.</p><p>A warm breeze blew past her, bringing with it the smell of smoke and brimstone. She was surprised Lilith had surfaced from Hell, now that it was securely hers, but Zelda was determined not to let it show or even acknowledge the woman, not after everything that had happened. She kept her eyes firmly fixed on a tree along the bank, not daring to move, even as she felt the Queen’s eyes rake over her.</p><p>Lilith’s heels clicked on the wood as she slowly approached, coming to stand beside her, and Zelda could feel herself being studied for a moment before Lilith turned and rested her weight on the railing as well, staring out over the same water.</p><p>Zelda refused to break first, and Lilith seemed content to sit in silence. It stretched out over them, almost comforting, but Zelda couldn’t let go of the niggling thoughts turning over in the back of her mind.</p><p>Why was Lilith here? Everything between them, good or bad, was history, and not something she particularly wanted to revisit. It wasn’t often Zelda let herself become so affected by a person, and so quickly, but the moment she’d seen Lilith, disguised as Mary Wardwell, she’d been unfortunately ensnared. She’d hid that interest behind suspicion and anger, but Lilith hadn’t been dissuaded, had only pursued harder. Then she’d revealed her true identity, and Zelda hadn’t the time to become truly angry about the deception before plans had fallen into place and emotion had to be put aside. Their plan worked, and Lilith had become Queen – <em>their</em> Queen, and then…</p><p>
  <em>And while I dictate all my versions of hate<br/>
You sit there smiling defiling old love</em>
</p><p>Hecate, she’d been cruel to Lilith. She’d known that the minute she’d sent her from the mortuary, but fear and anger had outweighed any rational thought, and gods help her, she’d had a right to be angry. How could Lilith, the woman who’d promised her everything and given her nothing, stand in her home and ask — no, <em>demand</em> refuge from their former Dark Lord who wouldn’t hesitate to murder anyone who defied him? How could she expect Zelda to put her family’s lives on the line for a scheme that was doomed to fail?</p><p>The fury which had quickly flared in her chest died, leaving her numb again as she stared at the trees swaying along the bank, painfully aware of Lilith next to her. She’d stood by her words at a time when she feared for her family’s safety, but now they only served to keep her up at night, haunted by the betrayal in Lilith’s eyes that had broken another piece off of her already shattered heart.</p><p>She’d mostly ignored what Lilith had done after that in order to protect herself. Zelda had heard whispers of death threats, a pregnancy, and the plans for a public execution, but the idea that she’d left Lilith to that fate was too horrible to fathom, so instead she’d rolled her eyes and wrote it off as Lilith’s dramatics.</p><p>And how ashamedly easy it had been to ignore those rumors. She’d had Sabrina to focus on, a coven to rebuild, and Marie — sweet, kind Marie, who loved her and challenged her to be better. Why should she care what an old love was doing when she had a new one to focus on?</p><p>A new love, whose affections terrified her.</p><p>Marie gave her everything, and Zelda couldn’t give much in return, not when her attentions were divided so thinly. She could see Marie wanting more, and she was trying desperately to become the partner she deserved, but change had never been Zelda’s forte, even when she had a good reason to. She was failing Marie. That was made painfully obvious every time she had to forgo a date or leave their bed in the early house of the morning, and with each fumbled excuse and murmured apology, Zelda wondered if she would have to distance herself from Marie, just to stop her from becoming yet another one of her romantic failings. To protect her.</p><p>Zelda touted herself as a protector of women. She was a midwife, who stopped Death with her own two hands; she was a survivor of abuse on several occasions, who, when panic gripped her chest, vowed to never let another woman experience the loss of control she had. She was a mother, for all intents and purposes, of a young woman still so fragile to the world, who Zelda would die for without a second thought.</p><p>She’d loved other women, deeply and thoroughly. Had even worshipped at their feet. But she’d left Lilith to die at the hands of her abuser – alone, afraid, and forsaken. How could she still consider herself a guardian after discarding a woman she’d once loved?</p><p>
  <em>And all of our verses are littered with curses<br/>
Directed at lovers who don’t understand</em>
</p><p>They’d been standing so long that the sun had begun to set, lighting the water with reds and golds and shimmering silvers. Zelda had given up on thinking about why Lilith would come here, had almost forgotten the Queen was there until her voice broke the silence, low and smooth.</p><p>“Adam took me here once.”</p><p>Zelda’s head snapped around at the unexpected name, and she was immediately taken aback at just how tired the usually impeccable woman looked. Perhaps she wasn’t the only one who’d had a long day.</p><p>Zelda almost asked about the name, but Lilith seemed to sense the question and gave a wry smile. “Not that Adam. Mary Wardwell had an Adam; he was her fiancé. A doctor, too, away on business. He came back while I had assumed her identity, and…” Lilith’s posture stiffened slightly before she continued. “And he loved me.”</p><p>She tried not to care. Why should she? What Lilith had done or who she’d loved before any of this – before <em>her</em> – was none of her business, but curiosity nagged at Zelda, and the headache that had been brewing behind her eyes for days loosened her tongue.</p><p>“What happened to him?”</p><p>Lilith shrugged, a bit too perfectly to be nonchalant. “Lucifer killed him.”</p><p>“Oh,” Zelda said lamely. “I’m…” ‘Sorry’ seemed insufficient, but what else was there to say? She searched for some other comforting phrase, coming up empty as Lilith waved her hand, dismissing the pity.</p><p>“He didn’t really love me, anyway; he loved Mary Wardwell. Even if it was the Mary I’d become, it still wasn’t me. Besides, what hope could a mortal have of understanding what I am?”</p><p>None at all, Zelda thought. She herself, a witch of more than three hundred years, could barely comprehend the complexities behind the First Witch. She, who’d studied Lilith her whole life, first in books, then in the flesh as Mary Wardwell, and then again as Lilith herself, still couldn’t find all the keys to the mysteries that locked Lilith up tight, and she’d given up on ever succeeding.</p><p>If Lilith wouldn’t let her in, who else could ever hope to be granted that honor?</p><p>
  <em>And though I’d never say it, I think we should take it easy<br/>
I’ve been busy making enemies of everyone who pleases me</em>
</p><p>The sun had dipped below the horizon, and the first stars of the evening began to appear. They’d been silent ever since, content to sneak glances at one another when they thought the other wasn’t looking. Zelda wondered if they’d spend the whole night like this, but Lilith once again broke the silence.</p><p>“What brought you out here? You never struck me as one to go out and stare at the scenery.”</p><p>Zelda tried to find it in herself to be annoyed by the prying question, but she was far too tired to direct her anger at Lilith any longer. She’d been a convenient scapegoat, many moons ago, someone to project her fear onto. But no longer.</p><p>She sighed and shifted her weight to one foot. “I needed to get away. Tensions were high in the mortuary, and mostly directed at me, so I thought I’d remove myself from the situation.”</p><p>She saw Lilith raise an eyebrow out of the corner of her eye, so she continued. “Sabrina is angry with me, as usual. Believes I’m being unfair. Hilda thinks I was too harsh, Ambrose is traipsing around the country – Hecate knows where – and Marie…” Even just the mention of the woman hurt her, a combination of guilt and anger and frustration from not knowing what to do.</p><p>“How is the priestess?” Lilith asked it calmly enough, but Zelda could hear the slight tension underneath.</p><p>It was Zelda’s turn to shrug. “I’m not sure anymore. I’m trying to change for her, for the better, but…” she hung her head and sighed, shifting her weight to the other foot. “I don’t know that I can.”</p><p>Another round of silence, though the croaking of frogs filled it this time. A few minutes later, Lilith spoke. “Changing for someone, even if you believe it to be for the better, isn’t always what’s best for yourself.”</p><p>For some reason, Lilith’s words flooded Zelda with relief. Perhaps it was some degree of pressure being lifted from her shoulders, or the validation in the statement, or even a confirmation of her remaining doubts in the relationship, but for the first time in weeks, Zelda found herself wanting to smile.</p><p>A smile that was brought on, she realized, by someone she’d once dismissed with harsh words.</p><p>
  <em>You ask me if I love you<br/>
I’ve been wondering that too</em>
</p><p>The moon had risen, bathing the world around them in liquid silver. The full moon was only days away – funny that her magic would be growing stronger at a time when she felt her weakest.</p><p>Lilith straightened next to her, hands resting on the railing. The hand closest to Zelda inched toward her arm, almost brushing it before Lilith stopped, tightening her grip on the moss-covered wood.</p><p>“Did you love me?”</p><p>As their god and deity? As the first witch and woman? As herself? Zelda didn’t know to which she was referring, but did it matter? They were all one in the same.</p><p>The water glinted silver in the moonlight, hypnotic enough to provide her with a distraction against the question at hand. She didn’t need to think it over – already knew the answer, in fact. The trouble was finding the courage to say it out loud.</p><p>She was quiet for so long that Lilith assumed that to be her answer. Out of the corner of her eye, Zelda watched the Queen stand tall, hands slipping to her sides as she turned away, but she knew the woman underneath well enough to notice the slight quiver in her knees.</p><p>She’d never have the opportunity again if Lilith walked away now, and all the words caught in her throat would be trapped there, forever stuck in her own cowardice. Zelda spoke, quiet and urgent: “I think I did.” She stopped, because that wasn’t quite right, was it?</p><p>“I think I… do.”</p><p>Lilith froze for a moment, then slowly turned towards her, her posture betraying more emotion than it had all night. One step, then two, her heels soft on the wood, and suddenly Lilith stood next to her again, so much heat radiating from her that Zelda shivered. She turned her head towards her but still didn’t look up, too afraid of what she might see. Soft fingers caressed her cheek, then drifted down to her chin, gently encouraging her to look up, up, into bright blue eyes that seemed to freeze her and free her all at once, and the sensation made her shiver again.</p><p>Too many thoughts spun through her head, so fast that Zelda couldn’t comprehend them, and her mind became pleasantly blank. All that mattered was Lilith’s touch on her skin, her eyes full of surprising hope, and her mouth finally laying a feather-light kiss on her lips.</p><p>And Zelda sighed, because it felt like coming home.</p><p>
  <em>I’ve been busy making enemies of everyone but you</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Comments are appreciated! This wrote itself in about two hours so let me know what you think!</p><p>My CAOS blog is themoon-andher-love on tumblr; come say hello!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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